Once upon a time, there was a snowman paper towel dispenser named Cheeky.
Cheeky was a jolly, happy soul with a big ass whose only function in life was to dispense paper towels. Or so he thought.
A nice lady gave Cheeky to her son and his wife for a pre-Christmas gift to brighten their home. But, the couple already HAD a paper towel dispenser. And they had very little counter space for two dispensers. Their apartment wasn't very big, after all. In fact- they didn't even have room for a Christmas tree!
(also, the son was a cheap-ass penny-pincher and didn't want to kill a tree just to haul it to the sidewalk a few weeks later. Oh, sure- they tried getting one of those potted "living trees" last year. But, that ended up dying because their apartment didn't get enough sunlight. Also, the son forgot to water it. But, that's another story. Which... you pretty much have the gist of anyway...)
And that's when they had an idea!
"Cheeky, with your butt so big- would you like a Christmas tree gig?!"
So, the son bought a plastic garland at a magical place called "Walgreens"...
... and he wound it round & round the dowel Cheeky stood faithfully next to. A few shots of bourbon later...
Then, the couple decorated their "tree" with ornaments and some cool battery-operated lights (also purchased at Walgreens) and soon...
Cheeky was very happy. And the couple was happy, too. And yes, the petroleum by-products used to make the fake garland probably do more damage to the environment than cutting down a tree- but you really shouldn't be so cynical during the holidays. Geeez!
The end...
Have yourself a callipygous Christmas, everybody!
